True Father’s Guidance for Husbands and Wives at Hoon Dok Hwe

Note: The following is a transcript of True Father’s words during a Hoon Dok Hwe gathering on March 19, 2012 in Cheong Pyeong, Korea. March 19 was the 27th day of the 2nd month of the heavenly calendar (H.C.). The original video can be watched with a paid membership here.

여기 남자들 가운데 아내가 오던가, 여자들 가운데 남자가 왔으면 나와 봐요.

If there are any of you men who came with your wives, or women who came with your husbands, then please come forward.

[Those who came as husband and wife went to stand at the front of the room.]

자기들끼리 결혼했나, 선생님이 축복을 해 주었나?

Did you marry each other (of your own accord), or did Teacher (match you and) give you the Blessing?

[They respond that Teacher (Father) gave them the Blessing.]

다 부처끼리 다, 잘 맞추었네.

As couples you are good matches for each other.

우리는 전도를 위해서면 30년 40년 있으면 경험이 참… 많이 한 셈이라고.

If you’ve been in the Unification Church for 30 years or 40 years, then you must have done a lot of witnessing. You would have a lot of experiences from witnessing.

많이 하고… 자기들이 경력도 이제 자서전을 쓸 수 있게, 이제 부처끼리 말이에요.

Now, with all the witnessing you have done, you have enough experience to write your own autobiographies, as couples.

“당신이 이런 테마를 중심삼고 쓰고 나는 이렇게 쓰겠다.” 맞추어 보자 이거예요.

I’m saying that we should try to make it so that each of you writes on the topic that you are most comfortable with.

누가 잘 했나? 그것도 한번… 일생이면 한 십년에 한번씩 그렇게 비교해야 됩니다.

(It’s an opportunity to) ask each other who did a better job. You should compare yourselves to each other at least once… once every ten years.

언제나 그렇게 사는 것보담 더 색달라야지.

Instead of always living the same way as before, you need to change your mode of living from time to time.

동쪽에서 살아봤으면 서쪽도 살아보고, 남쪽도 살아보고 북쪽도 살아보고, 중앙에도 살아보고.

If you were living in the East, try living in the West, try living in the South, try living in the North and try living in the center.

동네가 쓰고 사는 데는 내가 동네 사는 그 모든 사람들 앞에 몇째쯤 되는 사람이야?

In cases where you live in a certain neighborhood, think about how you rank in your neighborhood.

이 동네에 필요한 사람이야, 이 동네에 필요하지 않은 사람이야?

Are you an integral part of your neighborhood, or not?

그래 가지고 그 동네에 앞으로 희망있는 가정이 누구다, 본될 수 있는 가정이 누구다.

And you have to decide which families in your neighborhood bring hope for the future and can become good examples.

그렇기 때문에 다, 결혼들 다 시켰나, 아들딸들?

Therefore, did you marry off all of your children?

[The brother in the front responds that only his two sons have received the Blessing.]

아들 둘. 다 결혼시켰어?

Your two sons. Did you marry them off?

[He responds that he did marry off his sons but not his daughter(s).]

아들은 시키고.

So you did marry off your sons.

앞으로 이제 축복가정들만 우리 그렇게 모이면 좋겠어.

In the future, I would like it if we only gather with Blessed Families.

아들 몇살 몇이, 딸이 몇이, 그래 가지고 전부 다 엄마아빠 중심삼아 가지고 가정끼리 공개적인 이런 토론장을 만들어 가지고 우리 아버지 자랑, 엄마자랑, 아들자랑…

We should make a place for public debate where the families gather with however many children they have. There, we should tell everyone else why we are proud of our fathers, our mothers, our sons…

부모들이 자랑할 수 있는 아들딸 가진 거 그거 행복한 부모입니다.

Parents who have sons and daughters they can be proud of are happy parents.

사람 하나 잘 기르기가 참 힘든 거예요.

It is truly difficult to raise even one person well.

여러분들, 신앙생활이 어려웠지요?

Ladies and Gentlemen, your life of faith was difficult, right?

신앙생활이 자기마음대로 되는 것이 아니야.

Our lives of faith do not simply occur as we would like them to.

앞에 걸어가게 되면 산이 가로막히면 그 산이 내 마음대로 할 수 있는 산이 아니야.

When you walk forward, if your way is blocked by a mountain, then you [cannot simply tell the mountain to go away.]

산은 산대로 개성이 있습니다.

Each mountain has its own personality.

그와 마찬가지로 아들딸도 개성이 있으니까 개성을 잘 다듬어 주어야 거기에는 무슨 나무, 무슨 초목을 심느냐, 물이 어떤 물이 쓰이느냐. 그것도 다 해 가지고 동산을 만들어 갈 수 있는 마을을 꾸며갈 수 있는 이런 일은 누구든 해 봐야 돼요.

In the same way, since your sons and daughters each have their own personality, you have to take special care of each child’s personality. You have to think about which trees, what kinds of vegetation and what kind of water you will use to build your garden. Everyone needs to do this kind of work to decorate [his or her] village.

때문에… 자, 부처끼리 다 전도해 봤나?

So… Have you gone out as couples to witness?

[One sister responded, “Yes, we witnessed together for two years in our mission area. After receiving the Blessing, we witnessed in our mission area.”]

다들 나가서 전도한 경험들 있을 거예요.

You probably all have experiences of going out and witnessing.

사람은 어디 가든지 자기가 따라가는 사람이 되겠느냐, 지도하는 사람이 되겠느냐? 둘 중에 하나가 되어야 돼요.

No matter where a person goes, the person will either become a follower or a leader. [So you have to ask yourself whether you will be a follower or a leader.]

따라가면 누구를 따라가냐 이거예요.

If you are going to be a follower, then the question is, “who will you follow?”

형님이면 형님이 있고 동생이면 동생이 있고, 삼촌들도 있는데 그 가정들 가운데는 누구를 따라가야 되느냐?

You may have elder siblings, younger siblings, uncles (and aunts), so which of those families should you follow?

언제든지 이런 생각… 따라갈 수 있기 위해서는 무엇을 해야 되느냐 하는 것이 문제예요.

You should always be thinking about these things. The question is, “what do you need to do in order to follow?”

무엇을 했나, 무엇을 냄기겠느냐?

What have you done, and what have you left behind?

아들딸을 냄기면 아들딸한테 내가 무엇을 냄겨 주었느냐, 무엇을 냄겼느냐 이거예요.

If you leave your sons and daughters behind, then the question is, “what have you left behind for your sons and daughters?”

자서전을 전부다 쓸 줄 알아야 됩니다… 10년에 한번씩.

You all need to know how to write autobiographies… once every ten years.

[Mother sings 노고지리(Skylark) and Father joins in for some parts of the song.]

남자음성 여자음성이 다른데 말이예요, 같이 하는 것보담 더 이렇게 엇갈려 가지고 다음 절, 다음 (하여튼) 말들 엇바꾸어 가면서 (서로) 보고 웃고, “야, 당신은 그렇게 부르는데 나는 이렇게 부를 수 있다” 할 수 있는, 얼굴 맞어보면서 웃기도 하고, 그때는 좋은 손목도 쥐어 주고, 입도 맞추고 다… 그럴 수 있는 사연들을 많이 남겨야 돼요.

[After the song is over, Father says,] Men’s voices and women’s voices are different, you know. Rather than [always] singing together, [a husband and wife] should sometimes take turns, singing different verses or different parts of each verse. While they do so, they should smile at each other and be able to say, “Wow, you sing like that but I can sing like this.” Sometimes they should laugh as they look at each other’s faces, and in such times they should hold each other’s hands, kiss the other on the lips… You need to create many similar situations.

언제 이렇게 둘이 만났다가 언제 갈라져 가지고 우리 통일교 이것이 사실인지, 꿈인지 모르겠어.

You never know when you might be separated from one another even though you are together right now. If you do separate, you may not know whether the Unification Church was real or just a dream.

이렇게 모여져 가지고는 무엇을 남기자는 거야, 이게?

When we gather like this, what are we trying to leave behind?

무엇을 남기자는 거예요, 이게?

What are we trying to leave behind through this?

무얼 냄기고 가야 됩니다.

You have to leave something behind.

자기 있는 소질, 재간이면 재간이라든가, 노래도 다 짓고 다 그래야 돼, 응?

With whatever talents or skills you have… you should all write songs and do similar things, OK?

그러면은, 이제는 성가들을 우리 식구들 가운데 10년 나가서 고생한 사람, 20년 고생한 사람, 노래 하나씩 지어라 이거야.

So, now those members who went out and suffered for 10 years or suffered for 20 years should each write a song and it should be included among the Holy Songs.

[어머님: 내 고향 남쪽 바다 (아버님: “난 북쪽인데.”)… 꿈엔들 잊으리오? 그 잔잔한 고향바다. 지금도 그물세를 나르리. 가고파라, 가고파. 어릴 제 같이 놀던 그 동무들 그리워라. 어디 간들 잊으리오. 그 뒤놀던 고향동무. 지금은 다 무얼 하는고? 보고파라, 보고파. 그물새 그동무들 고향에 가있는데 나는 왜 어이타가 떠나 살게 되었는고? (아버님: 70년이 되었어.) 온갖 것 다 뿌리치고 돌아갈까? 돌아가, 가서 한데 어울려 옛날같이 살고지고 내 맘 색도 못 입혀 웃고 울고 지내 보자. 그 날 그 눈물 없던 때로 돌아가자 돌아가…]

[Father and Mother sing one of their favorite songs together. It’s a song about one’s hometown and Father refers to his hometown as the “northern area” and says that it has now been 70 years since he was in his hometown.]

[Shin Jun Nim gives Father a kiss.]

Are you going to school?

[Shin Jun Nim responds, “Yes, I am.”]

You have to go?

[Shin Jun Nim responds, “Yes.”]

Let Mommy walk you out. Mommy, you should walk him out. [To Shin Jun Nim] Bye. See you when you get home!

[Shin Jun Nim responds, “Yes.”]

부처끼리 싸울 때도 있겠지만 노래부를 때도 있어야 돼요.

Surely, you sometimes fight among husband and wife, but you need to sometimes sing together as well.

더러(?) 다 싸웠지요?

Sometimes you do fight one another, right?

부처끼리 싸울 줄 알아요, 몰라요? 예?

Do you know the right way for a husband and wife to fight?

때로는 싸워도 봐야 됩니다.

Sometimes you have to fight.

내 신랑이 어떤지 싸워도 보고 사랑도 해 보고 여행도 해 보고.

In order to understand what kind of person your husband is, you need to sometimes fight with him, sometimes make love with him, and sometimes travel with him.

어디 가서 “당신은 그 가게에 가 가지고 하나 얻어오고, 나는 요 가게 얻어와 가지고 누가 좋아 얻어오나 알아봅시다.” 할 때, 그냥 나올 때에 “아줌마, 나 저기 조금 갔다올 터인데 기다려요.” “아저씨, 나 조금 갔다올 터인데 기다려요.”

You can go somewhere [with your spouse] and say, “Honey, you go and get something from that store. I will go to this store and get something. Let’s see who gets the better item!” [Or you can just say,] “Lady, I’m going to this store. Please wait a second.” “Sir, I’m going to get something. Please wait for me.”

그래 가지고 거기서 제일 좋은 걸 취하고 나오… 도적질이 아닙니다, 갔다온단다니까.

And in that way, go to the store, get the best item… I’m not saying to steal it! You’re just saying that you will be right back.

그 다음에 자기 남편 갖다주라고 하더란 우리 남편 좋아가져 가지고 그 주인이 이렇게 말없이 가져 가더라도 기뻐하며 보냈기 때문에 “당신같은 집에 상점이… 좋은 집에… 이 상점에 제일 귀한 것 5가지 그것은 내가 사 가겠어.” 그런 사연도 친구도 만들 수 있어요. 예?

And moreover, you can tell the store owner that your husband asked you to get the item because he likes it. The owner may even let you just take it out of joy! Or you can say to the owner, “Your family is a good family and since you own this store, I will buy the most precious items from this store.” When you create situations like that, you can even make friends, right?

5가지. 싼 것 5가지, 비싼 것 5가지. 10반(?). “그래, 나는 비싼 것 고르고, 당신은 싼 것 해 가지고” 엇바꾸어 가져 가지고 값을 쳐 가지고 팔고 사는 것을 중심삼아 가지고 그것 남게 되면 오늘 점심 못 사면 점심밥 사먹을 수 있지 않소?

Five items. Five cheap items and five expensive items. Ten [altogether.] “OK, I’ll pick the expensive items and you pick the cheap items.” Then you swap items, check the prices and you can go out and sell the items for more. If you make some money as a result, then wouldn’t you be able to buy lunch if you weren’t able to buy lunch before?

그렇게 사는… 그런 생활도 할 줄 알아야 돼요.

You have to know how to live like that as well.

얻어먹을 줄도 알고, 사람 대접할 줄도 알고 인사도 할 줄 알고 그런 생활들.

You have to know how to be fed by others. You also need to be able to treat others. You have to know the right way to greet others. That kind of thing.